Shadows Within: A Poetry Series

In the past few years, life has not been easy for me. Every year brought new challenges which further pushed me to my edge and last year i just wanted to die. Every day felt like dying, i couldn't sleep at night and remained awake staring at the ceiling and i felt like i was being crushed under the gravity of my own thoughts. I tried pills but that didn't helped. A lot of shit went down last year and all i needed was a hand to rescue me out but there was no one at the horizon except the idea to start writing my thoughts on a paper then burn it. I did it till i start feeling a bit better about myself but even that was not helpful. A single thought could trigger my anxiety and would just come creeping upon me. I looked at the beautiful sky after rain and all i could feel was loneliness. I just wanted to die but i was also a coward because bleeding myself out was a scary thought. But the thoughts didn't disappeared.

This new series would explore the internal battles, feelings of isolation, and struggle with darkness that many experience in the times of depression. So this series is basically my account on depression, a part from my diary, my life. The main aim behind writing these is to cure my own depression and to let dear reader know that you aren't alone. Write your emotions and look forward to making this year great again. The poems in the series so far are:-

• The Dark Room
• Echoes of Despair
• The Silence
• The Mirror
• In Search of Light 
• The Script 
• Zombie 🧟‍♂️ 
• The Hollow Echo
• The Invisible Chains
• The Dark Passenger
• The Heavy Heart
• The Quiet Battle
• The Falling Tears
• The Loneliness
• The Fading Colors

Child of Moon Awake With Ghosts

your ghosts keep you awake at night

you hate the nights but are forced to be a nyctophile

night is supposed to be an hour of peace

but something burned rises from the ashes

goodbye came as if it’s always by your side

your eyes rained turning red in pain

but like a warrior, you keep that mask

hiding the painful truth behind that smile

you see yourself as a grown-up version

always trying to bring daylight into the dark

but what can you do in daylight with daylight

when in both hours, demons rule your mind

you carry a dagger stabbed in your heart

but suppress the tears full of guilt and pain

You’re a child of the moon

Light your own world for once

Note- This poem is about someone fighting many internal battles, someone with sadness and depression, someone who is haunted by the memories at midnight. This is a poem that i wrote about someone as her Secret Santa for Christmas Day. I wrote it based on her work, so basically i drew my inspiration from the feelings conveyed in her poetry. So this poem is basically part of my Part-0 collection which features poems written as a gift, memory for someone else. 

Memories and Melodies

The Story Behind the Lines

The idea behind this poem is the feeling of nostalgia that we feel whenever a song plays that we recognize because it brings back memories that were lost or forgotten in the time and now they just woke up again to either makes us feel happy or make us sad. It depends on a song.

Memories and Melodies

memories blending with the melodies

melodies i hear that bleed memories

memories that are covered in gray

melodies make me relive the pain

wind up in the circle with nowhere to escape

nostalgia is a sin to commit, melodies are my bane

memories holds a grip on me, don't associate song with your pain

cadence is a song that nature hums

after goodbyes, never meant to happen

live or die, the world moves on

i'm too weary to play this tortured game

What does this poem means to me?

If you ask me what does this poem means to me, then let me tell you this remains one of the most relatable poems i have ever penned because i feel it every single day. There are songs that when i listen brings back memories of a time when i would listen to them and watch everything happen in my life. I think about the old days because those melodies transport me back in time where i either laugh or cry. This feeling is torturous as someone dealing with depression. My favorite line from this poem has to be "i'm too weary to play this tortured game" because it is true, i'm tired of crying over songs that aren't even sad. the song "infinity" transports me back to the year 2022 and i just can't control my emotions. its tough. 

What are your thoughts?

have you ever started crying or smiling after hearing a song? i have and i mostly cried because the memories those songs brings back are from the darkest period of my life. It doesn't have anything to do with the song, its just because of the fact those melodies were the one that we used to listen when something significant was happening in our life. what are your thoughts on this?

Unspoken Affections: Part-X

The Story Behind the Lines

The inspiration behind this poem is actually the very first poem in this series but with a big picture of that moment. It's about the feeling that everyone wants to experience which is spending a time with someone you fancy and finding solace in little things like little conversations and watching a movie with them. This is the last poem in this series and it's not like i won't ever write poems with same theme its just that these poems are a part of a story. Now all that left to do is finish that story and the short film script. I hope someday i will get to do everything or these are going in flames with me. 

Unspoken Affections: Part-X

our secret moments and i was high in that feeling

watching film on a reel with you but now all i can do is reeling

looking back at memories that were full of laughter

the night we had, i couldn't look away after,

so close yet i couldn't bring it up to you

i'm still in love when the lights went out

under the moonlight, it felt like a movie

and woke up to find your lips close to mine

in my fatal fantasies we're always together

but the next morning brought desertion in the light

What does this poem means to me?

This poem is about a feeling that i have never experienced before. It's based on a story that was in my mind, which i might or might not share her actually. Sorry but not any sooner. Anyways, if you ask me my favorite line in this poem is "in my fatal fantasies we're always together but the next morning brought desertion in the light" because the line itself brings you out from your delusions, your imaginations about a person that we all cook in our hand because it ain't gonna happen in reality so what's the point? 

What are your thoughts?

I don't think you have never thought about experiencing it all because who doesn't but there's always a big side to our imaginations that is the desertion that will come to you even though you were never really "us" but it's still gonna hurt you as badly as if you were something to each other. what are your thoughts on this poem? let me know. 

Unspoken Affections: Part-IX

The Story Behind the Lines

the long stare with someone can spark something very dangerous and that is the reason why i penned this poem to express that feeling because it can either end up as something as beautiful flowers in a garden or in a field that is on fire. We all have felt this feeling at some point in time so i guess you wouldn't be surprised when i say that i also experienced it and wrote this poem. 

Unspoken Affections: Part-IX

if i could fly in the sky, i will declare my love to the people on ground

if i could talk to the birds, i will ask them to add some melodies in the scene

but you stood across the road, denying something you started

the look from your eyes and its torturing action- my cheeks grew warmer

but something in this moment without you, i feel how far we really are

our places close but hearts still hundred miles far

my desk is the only place i can write about my muse

thinking you're closer to me but its a poem you will never learn of

What does this poem means to me?

To be honest right now, i cannot tell what this poem means to me because there are so many poems that i have wrote on this topic and now it feels like this feeling is just meant to die. Whatever, at least i got to write something as funny as this poem and that is my favorite part about having a crush on someone because it makes me feel things that i have wrote previously about without ever experiencing them. 

My favorite line from this poem has to be "if i could talk to birds, i will ask them to add some melodies in the scene" because its just pretty to think about that in that one beautiful moment, nature will help you out to make it euphonious with its sounds. 

What are your thoughts?

i wanna know your thoughts about this feeling. i'm sure everyone experiences this feeling very differently. let me know in the comments :)

Unspoken Affections: Part-VIII

The Story Behind the Lines

I was inspired to write this poem based on an idea that what if the same fear of desertion exist in dreams too? so this poem is the result of that idea. There's nothing to speak much about something that is meant to doomed from the very start. 

Unspoken Affections: Part-VIII

i meet you in dreams but

the fear of desertion continue to exist

emotions in my dream seem far more stronger

in reality too both our faces looks so gray

i can't even console you in your grief

i don't want you to know about how i feel

it's supposed to be a love affair meant to die

either in grave or by moving on with time

What does this poem means to me?

I wrote this poem out of the fear that still exists within me. I have lost people's i cherished, loved the most and its excruciating to be honest. I have mourned the loss of someone and loss of a friendship. I regret never telling them how much i loved them. The fear of losing someone is something that is very universal. It gets scary when you can't spot the difference between a dream and reality because even in dreams, you are scared to let go of the hand that gives you solace. 

My favorite line in this poem is "i can't even console you in your grief" because it's not the fear that they might find out about my feelings but it will have consequences too. The fear of losing someone makes the feeling to console them look smaller. 

What are your thoughts?

have you also felt the same fear? i just know you have because there's no one in this world who had not for once experience the fear of losing someone very dear to them. share your thoughts in the comment section!!

Unspoken Affections: Part-VII

The Story Behind the Lines

I had this idea that i should write about an intense stare with someone in a moment, which made my cheeks turn red and i wanted this poem to be something intimate that two people's share but i don't know why i turned into a sad one where the muse of the poem is actually in pain. i think maybe it's because i love sad things.

Unspoken Affections: Part-VII

staring into your eyes but 10 second seemed bit harder

hot flush from your stare and i felt my cheeks grew warmer

your face slacking happiness and heart covered in dark gray

i wanted to whisper you 'my love' and tell you i'm here for you

putting your faith in me, you uttered your agonizing account

if i tell you 'i love you', would you let me share your pain?

What does this poem means to me?

I love writing sad poems and sometimes kill a character in that poem or a story that i'm writing. This one captures the one of the most breathtaking feeling that sparks something very beautiful which can end up in either as roses or ashes. I love this poem because i love who i penned this about. Putting your trust in somebody and tell your agonizing account is not an easy thing to do. I wish i could just tell how much love i have in store.

The line that is my favorite in this poem has to be the "if i tell you 'i love you', would you let me share your pain?" because it's just beautiful for me. Most of the people's who have a smile on their face and seems like they must have a great life are wearing a mask, hiding a painful reality they have to face every morning when they wake up and there's nothing they can do about it. So the plea in this poem is to share the pain of someone you fancy and make them smile again, without them actually faking it.

What do you think?

have you ever felt this feeling where you wanna tell someone how much you fancy them but can't tell them right away out of the fear of rejection? share your thoughts in the comments!!

Unspoken Affections: Part-VI

The Story Behind the Lines

I was inspired to write a poem about the moments that one can have with someone they like while they're on a ferris wheel ride. So i wrote this as a poetry prompt on November 12, 2024, when i was about to head in the fair but couldn't. Anyways, i still wrote this based on the little idea that i had that day and i'm glad that i did. This poem is not inspired by anyone but in fact it is part of a story in my head that i will share someday. This poem is about the conversation that our eyes have with someone we fancy in such a solitary environment when it is just the two of you.

Unspoken Affections: Part-VI

looking into your seraph eyes

ferris wheel had put us high

being lifted up in the air

but with you it felt safe and divine

lights from the ground reaching the sky

we had the world below our feet

with no one to tell who to love

we held each other close before the fell

mesmerized by the look in your eyes

i wanted to whisper a secret

exhilaration hit us soft and sweet

so the fall felt haunting and divine

put away desertion in that moment

the moment of beauty in your charm

we both screamed at top of our lungs

and shared our secrets before the rise

What does this poem means to me?

For me this poem is one of the meaningful ones that i have wrote with the idea of someone in my mind who is the idea that i have talked about in a poem called "The Idea of You". This is the same story but in a different universe where the two characters are far despite being too close to each other, sharing the same space above the city lights while that poem was just about my idea of somebody that i have. I can talk for hours about this, about this feeling that is so close to be achieved yet so far in reality. I penned this poem because of the idea that came in my mind and i could feel and see everything happening in that exact moment in my mind.

The line that i find myself to like the most is "put away desertion in that moment", even though i wrote that. This line explains the feeling and fear of losing someone to fate or to somebody, The speaker has the fear that their new muse will also leave them and even though he knows about it, he chose to put the fears aside and feel every possible emotion in those fleeting moments that will forever stay with him in his memories.

What do you think?

have you ever felt the same as this poet or if i must say the speaker? i wanna know your thoughts. so make sure you leave a comment under this post!!

Unspoken Affections: Part-V

The Story Behind the Lines

The inspiration behind this poem came from the feeling that almost everyone one of us shares, no matter at what age but we all have. The feeling i'm talking about is wanting, wanting the person who you know you can't have. In longing of someone, we hope for their best but also pray that they see you for who you are and love you. This feeling is not just limited up to being in a romantic relationship but also to the friendship up to some extent.

Unspoken Affections: Part-V

please don't be in love with someone else

you heart is no one's but mine

but who am i to tell you this?

when you're not really mine

i wish on every shinning star for you to come

i wish for a day when you will see for who i am

i already saw you, you have pain stuck under your skin

so i will help you bury it in mine

What this poem means to me?

No matter in which part of the world you live, the emotions we feel are universal and so as the feeling of the wanting to be loved. For me this poem means a lot because i have never really experienced the feeling of true love. Even though i used to fancy someone in the past, i never really expressed how i truly felt out of the fear of rejection and also the fact i don't know how to do that. Still the only thing that i know is writing those feelings down and compare them after a period of time to see how much i have changed. I write like i went through a very big breakup which is so not true, i'm single and currently in college. This poem is more like a declaration to the muse of this poem that i care about you and i will always protect you if i get the honor of to be yours but again i just like writing sad stories and poems. I'm not a sadist though.

My favorite line in this poem is "i already saw, you have pain stuck under your skin". With this line what i really meant was that the muse of this poem is battling with their inner demons but act all strong and fine on the outside. So this is a plea from the speaker that he will share their pain to see them smile without ever faking it. 

What do you think?

i'm sure you, yes you whoever is reading this right now has felt the same way at some point in time, when in longing of someone you can just pray and hope that someday they will love you. i would love to hear your thoughts on this in the comment section.

Unspoken Affections: Part-IV

The Story Behind the Lines

i was inspired to write this poem after i came across someone who is just as depressed as me. We both had lost something we were working hard for, the peoples we care about. This is when the feeling struck me that i ain't the only one who is going through hard time but my muse for this poem is someone who i don't want to feel the same emotions and just want to see their smile. This is a letter to you if you're reading it that someday you will feel just fine because you made me believe i will be fine too.

Unspoken Affections: Part-IV

your gentle eyes cried a little times 

your lips so sweet but red in pain

your face so blue but hides the color gray

the sadness no one knows about you

i'll tell you something holding your hand

you have a admirer who cares about you

the cannons that are aimed at your fort

will submerge in the sea before they hit you

What this poem means to me?

This poem paints the picture of the inner turmoil in someone's mind that i know and i certainly feel the same. It is about anyone who is trying to hide their pain and keep on living a "good life" in the eyes of the other's and act like just fine when it's not really the case with them. This poem is a letter to anyone that no matter where you stand, what you feel, there's always someone in this world who cares about you, who wants to spend their time with you to see you smile in every situation. 

The lines that stand out the most for me are "your face so blue but the hides the color gray" because it not only paints the picture of someone who looks happy on the outside but internally is so gray that is sad and depressed. The other line that i love is "the cannons that are aimed at your fort will submerge in the sea before they hit you" because its a message to someone that your problems, your fears will disappear someday if you just don't let your demons rule your mind. I talk very positive for someone himself feeling those emotions. Anyways, trust me you will be fine and i have hope for myself too.

What do you think?

do you know someone who is depressed and sad? are you sad? share your thoughts on this poem and how you relate to it if you can. remember you are brave for carrying everything by your own. 

Unspoken Affections: Part-III

i can’t tell you i’m fine or not when you’re around

this feeling will eventually kill me someday

you cured my boredom and depression for one fine day

the night we had small but full of memories

inspire me to write whole damn poetry about it

but i’m happy you will still survive without me

Unspoken Affections: Part-II

lying on a pillow you used the other night

the night we spent under the moonlight

only few stars in the sky but you looked so bright

my demons and ghost got so fright

 

a solace in that moment but pain is what i feel now

your memories tells me to smile but

there’s a big side to the eyes i can’t see now

now begins another race to survive

Unspoken Affections: Part-I

i hope to see you shine, i don’t want to say goodbye

now that you’re close to my heart, i see you for who you are

i watched you sleep with your lips close to mine

the innocence on your face hides a painful past behind that beaming smile

will keep these feeling buried till i’m alive and for you i’ll die 2 years in advance

so my love can last forever and my memories will decay in grave with time

Unspoken Affections: A Poetry Series

This series started out as a story that i wrote in bits, some parts on napkin or some in my notes app. But decided to turn it into a poetry series. It deals with the unspoken feelings, words to someone. Words that if i utter feels like committing infidelity while my heart beats for someone else. But in reality, the events in this series never happened, this is all part of an fictional story. And since this story hasn't completed yet, this series ends on a cliffhanger. The real feeling of true heartbreak and regret is still missing in these poems yet they tell the tale very beautifully, at least for me. When i first began writing this, i had this idea of confessing love to somebody on an ride to the ferris wheel after watching in an movie but sadly this story had an tragic ending, i killed one of the characters lol, at least in the draft version. I also wrote a short film script. 

The poems in the series are:

• Unspoken Affections: Part-I
• Unspoken Affections: Part-II
• Unspoken Affections: Part-III
• Unspoken Affections: Part-IV
• Unspoken Affections: Part-V
• Unspoken Affections: Part-VI
• Unspoken Affections: Part-VII
• Unspoken Affections: Part-VIII
• Unspoken Affections: Part-IX
• Unspoken Affections: Part-X

Update: Honestly, WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. what was i high on when i wrote this cringe ass poems,. The worst part about these is that they are everywhere and i can't even take them down. I hate this work of mine and it's so dramatic because it's a tragedy. I went back and read these all over again and I was shocked at my own work. wdym, i wrote a line "...i'll die for you 2 years in advance", like no. i ain't dying for you. shut up!!

Cuore a Cuore [Heart to Heart]

Arrival of fall, rustling of leaves

Strangers walking down the alley

Far reaches from the city grounds

A girl, a charmer arrived in the fall

The planet on its tiptoes danced 16 times

To welcome new chapters in her life

In the trouvaille, I found a friend in a stranger

A friend I never knew I needed,

In my journey to love myself

The courage flowed like river from her words

Her aura that outshines moonlight

In longing of someone, she counts the stars

A hidden sadness behind the beaming smile

A hidden pain behind those eyes

In her happiness, the gunnen rises on me

Went through ups and down

She always fought the demons in her mind

A figure who loves “tea”, to be debutante in her prime

Have friends like poison ivy

But she knows how to live life

About- This is one of the poems that i wrote for a friend on request, she is a very good friend of mine who i can trust. So this poem is basically part of my Part-0 collection which features poems written as a gift, memory for someone else. 

Man Dressed as Clown

lurking in the shadow

to hunt her down

to put all the blame on her

there's a man dressed as clown

was it that "her clothes too short"?

was it that "she was too easy"?

reasons circled around

there's a man dressed as clown

clown is unapologetic

clown is a predator

clown is a hypocrite

there's a man dressed as clown

Talking to the Moon

The Story Behind the Lines
I was inspired to write this poem one night when i was sitting all bored, gazing at the moon's beauty and thought of the idea of writing about my conversations that i had with the moon when i was missing someone at some point in time, someone who has been my muse for most of my poems. The poem is about the conversations that some of the people's hold with the moon because after silence, it is their only friend to talk and share the feelings, hoping that on the other side someone is listening to our story and maybe it's the person we're longing for.

Talking to the Moon

in my periphery, a messenger arrive

carrying the sadness and the news of goodbye

“the roses you sent out died on their way before they could bloom

the dreams you planted were set on fire by the demons you fought”

now walking alone on the empty streets at night
staring at the moon wondering if you’re looking at it too?
i would talk to moon thinking you’re hearing on the other side
beyond the seas, you were still close to me

What this poem means to me?
This poem is a reflection of my feelings that i felt at some point in time when i would just be reeling at night because my nights were covered in memories that haunted my existence because the feeling of missing someone who was dear to your heart is very torturous. I wrote this about a time when i didn't knew what happened and in a matter of time everything that was build step by step shattered like a sand castle made with the beach sand and this can be implied easily in one of the most common yet sometime very complex relationship called friendship. You can go argue with the wall if you tell me that "friendship break" ain't that hard.
The lines that speak to me the most is "dreams you planted were set on fire by the demons you fought" because this ain't just about losing a friend, in this line it is also about the feeling of not getting success in what you worked for, things you dreamed of but the dreams you had were set on fire by the demons, the doubts, the judgement of peoples and ill talking about you. You failed to win the war and let your demons rule your mind.
The feeling of loneliness, sadness, sorrow, combined with the feeling of love makes this poem more like a reflection on a period when someone is at their low, hoping that someday they will smile again.

What do you think?
missing someone is a universal feeling and i don't think there's anyone in this whole world who doesn't live with the pain of missing someone who is dear to their life but is no longer with them. if you ever felt like this, i wanna know your story. have you ever felt like that? comment and let me know!

The Moment I Lost You

the moment i saw the text cloud appear and disappear

i knew that was when i lost you in the argument 

the moment of silence that followed was not just any peace

but a calm before the surging storm

a storm that wreck havoc in its path

and tore me to my bones and soul

now in my tomb of silence, carving your name on the stone

i lost the one i cherished, now i lost the one i loved the most

weeds and fog has covered the grounds in november's cold

my thoughts are burning my skin, i want to drown

I Don't Deserve You

you're so majestic, i don't deserve you

you're so grand, i don't deserve you

your heart is nothing but pure

and i fear my gray one will infect yours too

my love can cross border's but yours can cross universes

i hope the sun smiles at the brightest for you

you're kind, i don't deserve you

you're the muse i don't want to hurt, i don't deserve you

Before it Could Bloom

winter knocked at my door

before it could bloom

staring into an abyss

i long for the days old good

deserted like embers from burning firewood

love took a huge rebound

still waiting for it to return

return in the best shade of blue

i saw the gray entering my periphery

the fog covered my sense of insecurity

thought- the lost is for someone who are "us"

but my story didn't even began

Tortured Feeling Called Moving On

loving someone new was never so torturous

moving on but my face is still gray

reeling at night, smiling in daytime

desertion from you still haunts my midnight's

thought that love would make it grand return

but the lingering sadness over-weigh my fervor wishes

the fleeting feeling of love

but it failed to turn gray into a blue world

That Fleeting Feeling of Longing

why would you stare into my eyes?

it'll keep a hold on me

while you'll leave me behind

unrequited this story will be 

just like in past i couldn't be-

"someone's muse but they were mine"

my face will turn gray again

and this feeling will die in a million times

Fire Crackers and Her Smile

sound of burning fire crackers reminds me of a day

light from burning fire crackers reminds me of a day

when you were here, joining the group with joy

i watched you from the sideline when your face light up pink

the smile that never faded till you were here

but the feeling engraved within me tells me to cry

i meet you in my dreams and always try to tell you

i love you mother, you were always blue

Plea in Our Eyes

in your eyes, there's a plea

as if they're in search of something warm and sweet

the look that you gave me sparked something

something very dangerous that needs to be handled with care and free

free of insecurities for it to bloom

bloom in the best shade of blue

my plea is to hold you dearly and close

never letting go of your hand and let it freeze

in november's cold when it's snowing outside the window

i'll build something with snow and let you laugh at me

my plea is to forever hold you close

and peace will never leave our door

Ghost in a Glittery Room

there's a ghost in my glitter filled room

that reminds me of you

and says, "you are my only muse"

night is the hour of peace

but once the clock strikes at midnight

the ghost comes out to take me to hell

loving you was never a crime

but when i'm trying to move on

your memories still lingering around this time

In Denial, On Fire

in denial 

but pacing while room is on fire

motion capture fail to paint his emotions 

"I'm fine"- a product of his illusion 

litany of reasons but pain stuck under his skin

too afraid to pen about, too afraid to scream it out

demons are his rulers, will demons be the winners?

help! he is drowning he can't put out this fire

Well in Well?

went to the well to fetch some water

to water the plants and to drink some water

but fell in endless well with no bottom

he went to the well to fetch some water

 

the hope of his dreams is way bigger

the fruition period slipped before the reaches

fell in the well, a never ending torture

close his yes? will the nightmare be over?

 

the demons are the rulers,

the demons are the winners

who will pull him down

gravity- a force stronger

Victory After the Cold

cold barren land

plants have died out in the fog

long winter days with no warmth of sun

dreams i planted have died out in the cold

2 years of hell for this and that

for to fall behind him and her

gave my blood, sweat and tears

for to be back at the beginning

 

lost all my hope

lost all my faith

i reached my heights

i reached my patience

a ray of hope, a ray of sun

brought the warmth lost for years 2

“my dreams”- a product of my work and efforts

but a grand victory awaits ahead

A Savior in the War

oh my! oh my!

i always prayed for days like these

“when i would run late for the class

and someone saving me a spot”

though something it speaks to me

of truth i’m facing bigger than my dreams

“this ain’t your dream college

this ain’t what you worked for”

 

but something it speaks to me

“avenoir a great this desire, till you see the worst”

a savior in the war

a refuge from my demons

shelter till i fly again

my cold barren land

has already dug my grave

i’ll stay till the summer arrive

Poetry of the End

fire raining down from the sky

and my planet turned to hell

with no sign of life but only cries

of his, her and their memories at midnight

 

strange streams leaking from my eyes

i wonder, “will i even survive?”

poetry i write from every dying

pieces of memories and fragments of my life

Cemetery of Dreams

at the cemetery of dreams

buried but not achieved

their dead soul rises at night

to haunt my existence

and remind those good memories

 

something i added on the fabric

something i penned on the paper

remain unforgettable

and I find myself reeling and mourning

days turned to nights

and nights turned to days

with no sign of goodbye

That Momentary Encounter

fleeting memory of you

one fateful encounter

you are my muse

a solace in that moment

standing across the road

our roads will never cross

you see I’m a “sad amorist”

i will always say, “our stars will never align”

i will paint my knuckles red

for a glimpse of you

but scared of the thought

you belong to someone else

i’ll leave a letter at your door

my idea of you will never fade

my ink for you will never run dry

it’s a letter that i will never fly

November is my Muse

wake me up when it’s all over

“when the ink of my pen stops bleeding

when there is no trace of their memories”

wake me up when the nightmare is over

 

november’s sadness will take me down

burn the bridges to the next run

lunar eclipse and pacing under the sun

gray will return in it’s darkest shade

Chained to the Memories

this is another poem i penned in the middle of the night when i couldn't sleep. it's about those haunting moments when you're just staring at the ceiling of your room and then the torturous memories begin to sweep in your head and then everything seems beyond your control.

the chains that hold on to me

I kept 'hold on to the memories'

now screaming looking at the sky

beacon tell me will I survive?

the chains of the past

and pain stuck under my skin

the blood moon is on the rise

and something buried will come out at night

in chains of blood

in chains of memories 

i try to survive

but haunting midnight comes after daylight 

Of Spirits, Memories and Forget-Me-Not

i penned this poem in the middle of the night when i couldn't sleep. just like yours my midnight's are also haunting. this is a poem for all those who still bear the painful memories which are here to stay. this is for all my poetry friends 🩶✨️

to be someone's muse- a feeling unknown!

an honor so grand but beyond my hope,

the vastness of the sea before my eyes

it's secrets can't be hold in a rhyme,

midnight's darkness- a friend for so long

now a foe, never haunted me before,

a rose by other name can be 'forget-me-not'

'sorrows, sorrows and prayers' always knock at my door,

cemetery is the home for the spirits

cemetery is the home for the memories,

i long for the "good old days"

when summer never left me alone,

now in my winter's barren land

a glittery hope is what i pray for!

Winter's Call to Let it Go

i penned this poem based on my how i feel about hope and autumn 🍂. it's not just a season but also reflects transition in the struggles in life. sometimes letting go is the best thing and you will find the right thing!!

oh my these beautiful days!

autumn has come and will soon be gone

with leaves falling down brown and pale

some leaves are clinging with the hope 

will they even survive the winter's cold rage?

i summon the greatest of the force

to teach them how to fall away

hope is a devil in disguise 

that will make everyday hard to survive 

if you don't fall down, will have nowhere to stay

Lingering in the Rain

"Lingering in the Rain", is my first ever poem that i penned in collaboration with another poet and friend of mine. 

✍️ written with: Deepali 

my muse

my unspoken words

our antithetical stories

your charm

your goodbye before the dawn

i traced the lines of our fate

never aligned

the red string woven around

which seems too weak 

your presence lingers around me

like a shadow

rain poured down before

before we became alive

before I let it out

before I could hold on

before you screamed it out

I watched you being washed away from my shore

i watch the rain 

blurring the edges of my side of the world

As i wait for it to cleanse my wounds

As i wait for it to blur my memory

As i wait to let go

The Endless Journey to Your Shore

shipwrecked and i found myself

on an deserted island

not a place to call home

i made a raft to conclude this journey

to reach at your shore

“is it a good idea”, i asked myself

 

i’m floating alone on sea

seagulls carrying my letters

but couldn’t reach because of storm

storm coming from your side

storm that you sent

send me back to that island

 

i’m lost in the woods

with no one to guide me though

i had two options

but chose the one that led to you

a choice that i regret,

a reason why i can’t get you out of my head

still on this endless journey to your shore

The Wallflower That Fade and Shine

i saw in the mirror, a reflection of mine

the wallflower that fade and shine

standing atop in the war against my fears

demolished the walls, became a people pleasure

made friends that spew out poison

nothing good came from letting pretenders into my life

took off that mask and enjoyed my own company

now I have someone, a true friend of mine

Happy But Envious

my world surrounded by gray clouds

a moment’s happiness is all i seek

my heart covered in magoa

a affectionate touch is all I need

i want his life

not jealous but rather envious

judged by the divine power

my latibule lies in his world

Night After You

the last words of farewell

were sharper than a knife

the last words of farewell

damaged more than a cannon fight

all my fears conquered that war

leaving me to drift on the sea

with no sign of shore

thus began the night,

never to come to an end

crying in veil

and my pain reached new heights

The Idea of You

how should i define?

define the idea of you?

my nerves are pranking me

to believe,

“it will be same as someone before you”

for once

i want to dream, i want to believe,

“your love will be grand as seas”

i leave this letter at your door

with a painting of you from my mind

you will never absquatulate me

your beaming smile will forever hide my crimes

the crime i define as- “loving a liar”

that unforgivable sin will bury in the past

and my idea of you will forever last

The Waiting Shore

three years of hell

three years of pain

three years of desertion

three years of lying to myself

“that someday your ship will arrive

on my shore now covered in weeds”

 

you set out on the seas

to look for your stolen peace

your memories growing over me

prisoner to who I have become

my eyes are starting to feel blurry

death is creeping upon me

The Weight of Your Silence

shattered your heart

something I never really dreamt of

deepen your scars

something I never really meant to happen

i wanted you to smile

and just look at me

but when you needed me

i burnt down your city

you never even smile

yet you never even became angrier

lack of emotions on your face

i still ponder, “how you feel?”

Haunted Midnights [Part-2]

in quiet of the nights

his demons comes out

and begin to rule over his mind

attacks are made

wounds re-open

and bleeding doesn’t stop

as he confront his demons

with his head high but knees on the ground

 

memories, promises

failed dreams, enemies

and 19 years of life

flash before his yes

everything start to pull his nerve

with screams so loud, a cursed man’s curse

his house is his grave

and there are cries in his silence

begging for help and lord’s forgiveness

Haunted Midnights [Part-1]

the clock pointing to midnight

the walls are coming closer and closer

i’m going mad

my biggest fears begins to rule over my mind

 

scared of my own thoughts

scared of voices that tells me to die

i would put my hands on ears

and close my eyes

 

the paper says “i’m depressed”

stuck between haunting midnights

a fight between life and death

have no clue where i shall seek shelter

Illusions of Tranquility

clouds cried in pain

and turned purple-pink

ataraxia is on the rise

the savior has arrived

to turn the blood moon

back to gray

 

was it all an illusion, a dream?

i opened my eyes

they are nowhere to be found

certainly a beautiful place to visit

to take away my pain

even if its just in a dream

In Chains of Blood

in the serene countryside,

he found himself on a cliff

caught in chains of blood

pushed to the edge by his father will

who wished he never existed

 

too depressed to scream it out

even the nature can't help him out

alive but hushed into a confinement

only to live scared of  new dawn

Blue: A Shade of Gray

in my boat with a knife

floating on a silent, blue sea

what a serene beauty

bewitched by the cursed one

my boat is drowning

the moment's grace to draw the knife

 

climbing up high to touch the clouds

gray mountains are challenging me

my leg slipped, i'm falling down

the moment's grace to draw the knife

 

for me blue is a shade of gray

happiness is an illusion

always ending up in the same old cage

where death keeps a hold on my thoughts

an inner turmoil that is never at peace

poetry i write,

from every dying fragment of me

Dear___afb

in search of closure,

I kneel on the ground

and pray to the god of sky

and ask him to take back gray

give me my blue sky

In search of solace,

I met a lot of travelers

With stories of unrequited love and

Hope for love in their eyes

 

The drought ended after 50 days

For to be back at my door in 5 days

A friendship built on love bond

The bond broke, I’ve nowhere to run

I turned into a ghost, never slept through the night

Cried all day long, a never ending torture

Without getting sight with tears in my eyes

Dull Reflections

sacrificed on the name of joke

became laughing stock of the group

my friends reflection in the mirror

appears rather dull than bright

 

rust entered in the open wounds

scars that cover my whole body

friend is a word to use with care

growing ivy does not make them rose