149 poems later

149 poems later, one can still trace you in my poems

I wrote you carefully in metaphors and words that scream

In the anagram that holds your lovely name

 

149 poems later I’m still stuck in this hedge maze life

I try to cut my wrist and let my tears speak the unspoken

I’ll try to cut the ones who surround me and be a new version

 

149 poems later, my feelings remain unspoken

For the most part, they’ll forever haunt my existence

Even if I bleed them out on paper

 

149 poems later, I wish to be left alone

i'm afraid to walk into the future

I'm taking my leave here, soon I'll be 20

I Can't Blame Anyone

I can't blame anyone, not even the one you love

I'm sure you both have stories to fill pages with—

about how you met and fell for each other

I do not have the right to claim you,

so the question of hate seems outrageous

My nights are haunted by the dead and the living

You are a beacon I always waited for

Side Character

I’m just a side character in my own story

The heart of someone I know beats for someone else

I’m watching it all unfold from the sidelines

I knew the risk I was taking, I keep telling my heart—

But the weight of my tears feels too heavy to carry

So I let them rain again for you tonight

You have beautifully haunted my life

I thought I was finally going to make you mine

Legacy of Our Story

All that you'll leave behind for me are your memories

The legacy of a story that was ill-fated from the beginning

You have somebody else, but my heart still screams your name in silence

Who will I think of when I’m being feasted upon by my ghosts?

Your memories will soon join them—and eat me alive.

I don’t want to be in love again, where the one I love will kill me

Eyes That Hurt

those eyes of yours keep hurting me

the same eyes that once made me blush

and comforted me in darkest of my hours

they tell me that you're not mine

those eyes of yours keep tearing me apart

they tell me you're a fantasy i will never get to live

love now seem like a fictional concept

i must write you with my own pen

You Heard My Hurt

my sighs were getting too loud

and their echoes haunting the halls,

i was struggling to breathe

and tears rolling down my face,

it is you who stepped in like 

how moon shines bright after eclipse,

kissed my tears off like a desert

and leaving after a passionate remark

Idea of You But Not Face

my face in the ground

and a collar across my neck

i tried to stand up, little by little

but i fell on my knees again

from crying on the thought of you

to struggling for breathe over and over

my face buried in the cold sand

i can't recall your dreamy face

it still happens now and then

but i tell my heart to stop crying

and mind to hatch some plans

you were never mine in the first place

even while writing, 

my body cold and pale

my tragedy is i can't recall your face 

but my idea of you will never fade

Escape With a Kiss

anxiety wrapped around my neck

and hands struggling to free myself

lying on my bed close to the edge

i was struggling to keep my breathe

in the velvet sheets,

where cries turned into moans

and with a single kiss,

i was brought back from the hell

swing of a pendulum speaks to me

in its back and forth motion

it prophesied to be prepared

storm will make landfall again

My Aid

a golden daylight that you are

pierced through my grayest of the dark

calmed the waves carrying the storm-

that were wrecking my heart

in the darkest of my hours,

when night bleed memories

the thought of you feels like

an emergency aid in the war

a calmest of the people i know

with little to no smile on face

yet you feast upon my demons

and set me free from my chains

Cigarette Kisses

unhealthy this obsession of mine

that asks you to use me at your will,

the room is glowing red and-

can hide your imprints on my neck

unhealthy this obsession of mine

to be burned by your touch,

your cigarette against my skin

and its smoke filling up my lungs

unhealthy this obsession of mine

to be deserted and left in ruins

your teeth biting into my skin

not everyone can see love through pain

Bled into Art

mark your territory with those cherry lips

make me your altar, a sacred place to worship

mark me yours in places no else been

so bite me, kiss me and love me

i'll be your sitter, as you sculpt a figure of me

naked and alone, for your eyes to feast upon me

too much ecstasy will fill up our red glowing room

as you devour and left me in ruins

Vampires in the Night

beautiful, on the face of mine

when you will make a plea,

in an language only we speak

you hint me to meet by the lake

you walk through the woods 

with an lantern in one hand

to jumping into my arms

when we meet at the lake

bats flying across the dead sky

and haunted mansion that whispers our song

may we be the vampires tonight

who stray without any care

Melody of the Forbidden

hold this hand that longs for your touch
it is you that i want, is it too much?
make a melody using the drums that you beat,
for us to dance under lightning-met-night in secrecy

i want you to bleed my lips
and heal them with a perfect kiss
as a reminder for me to keep living
and then mark me with your bliss

Too Weak to Tell You

keep beating the drums of my heart that signals your arrival

a little glance from those eyes sends shivers in my body

my mind is now a slave for you, not the kind left in bruise

the sudden urge to touch your face and say i fancy you

how close we would have to become for it to happen?

i would have to declare my love, like a nightingale's song

taking me back in the same boat, of being denied or yes

how cruel our situation is, i lack confidence to tell you

Savior I Imagined

stars had aligned, my savior finally arrived

visions of you clung to my eyes,

months of anticipation and stolen stares

i still haven’t figured out your must-be-lovely name

walking under that purple flowers tree

on the mattress nature laid for us to be

with full of flowers and butterflies flying by

it is the fate’s will to be, to make you mine

invisible strings and the touch of your hand

sparked something in me that floods my eyes

the wind in my world always flows towards you

a sign of arrival, of beacon i imagined 

ere this day, my world covered in gray clouds

but now finally turned purple-pink,

the golden daylight pierced through the haze

for once i'll let this sin feeling bloom, that was born in the dark

Campus Confessions: The Prologue

hold the ropes tight, never let go of a safe hand
the journey ahead is far too brutal to make sense
what once seemed like fated, shall shatter one's hopes
the idea of love was born from a poet's thought
lover's rose from the ashes to finish their lovelorn stories
heart wrapped in barbed wire yet still beating-
for the one who will break my heart
uncover new truths in each arc