Shadows Within: A Poetry Series

In the past few years, life has not been easy for me. Every year brought new challenges which further pushed me to my edge and last year i just wanted to die. Every day felt like dying, i couldn't sleep at night and remained awake staring at the ceiling and i felt like i was being crushed under the gravity of my own thoughts. I tried pills but that didn't helped. A lot of shit went down last year and all i needed was a hand to rescue me out but there was no one at the horizon except the idea to start writing my thoughts on a paper then burn it. I did it till i start feeling a bit better about myself but even that was not helpful. A single thought could trigger my anxiety and would just come creeping upon me. I looked at the beautiful sky after rain and all i could feel was loneliness. I just wanted to die but i was also a coward because bleeding myself out was a scary thought. But the thoughts didn't disappeared.

This new series would explore the internal battles, feelings of isolation, and struggle with darkness that many experience in the times of depression. So this series is basically my account on depression, a part from my diary, my life. The main aim behind writing these is to cure my own depression and to let dear reader know that you aren't alone. Write your emotions and look forward to making this year great again. The poems in the series so far are:-

• The Dark Room
• Echoes of Despair
• The Silence
• The Mirror
• In Search of Light 
• The Script 
• Zombie 🧟‍♂️ 
• The Hollow Echo
• The Invisible Chains
• The Dark Passenger
• The Heavy Heart
• The Quiet Battle
• The Falling Tears
• The Loneliness
• The Fading Colors

Child of Moon Awake With Ghosts

your ghosts keep you awake at night

you hate the nights but are forced to be a nyctophile

night is supposed to be an hour of peace

but something burned rises from the ashes

goodbye came as if it’s always by your side

your eyes rained turning red in pain

but like a warrior, you keep that mask

hiding the painful truth behind that smile

you see yourself as a grown-up version

always trying to bring daylight into the dark

but what can you do in daylight with daylight

when in both hours, demons rule your mind

you carry a dagger stabbed in your heart

but suppress the tears full of guilt and pain

You’re a child of the moon

Light your own world for once

Note- This poem is about someone fighting many internal battles, someone with sadness and depression, someone who is haunted by the memories at midnight. This is a poem that i wrote about someone as her Secret Santa for Christmas Day. I wrote it based on her work, so basically i drew my inspiration from the feelings conveyed in her poetry. So this poem is basically part of my Part-0 collection which features poems written as a gift, memory for someone else. 

Memories and Melodies

The Story Behind the Lines

The idea behind this poem is the feeling of nostalgia that we feel whenever a song plays that we recognize because it brings back memories that were lost or forgotten in the time and now they just woke up again to either makes us feel happy or make us sad. It depends on a song.

Memories and Melodies

memories blending with the melodies

melodies i hear that bleed memories

memories that are covered in gray

melodies make me relive the pain

wind up in the circle with nowhere to escape

nostalgia is a sin to commit, melodies are my bane

memories holds a grip on me, don't associate song with your pain

cadence is a song that nature hums

after goodbyes, never meant to happen

live or die, the world moves on

i'm too weary to play this tortured game

What does this poem means to me?

If you ask me what does this poem means to me, then let me tell you this remains one of the most relatable poems i have ever penned because i feel it every single day. There are songs that when i listen brings back memories of a time when i would listen to them and watch everything happen in my life. I think about the old days because those melodies transport me back in time where i either laugh or cry. This feeling is torturous as someone dealing with depression. My favorite line from this poem has to be "i'm too weary to play this tortured game" because it is true, i'm tired of crying over songs that aren't even sad. the song "infinity" transports me back to the year 2022 and i just can't control my emotions. its tough. 

What are your thoughts?

have you ever started crying or smiling after hearing a song? i have and i mostly cried because the memories those songs brings back are from the darkest period of my life. It doesn't have anything to do with the song, its just because of the fact those melodies were the one that we used to listen when something significant was happening in our life. what are your thoughts on this?

Unspoken Affections: Part-X

The Story Behind the Lines

The inspiration behind this poem is actually the very first poem in this series but with a big picture of that moment. It's about the feeling that everyone wants to experience which is spending a time with someone you fancy and finding solace in little things like little conversations and watching a movie with them. This is the last poem in this series and it's not like i won't ever write poems with same theme its just that these poems are a part of a story. Now all that left to do is finish that story and the short film script. I hope someday i will get to do everything or these are going in flames with me. 

Unspoken Affections: Part-X

our secret moments and i was high in that feeling

watching film on a reel with you but now all i can do is reeling

looking back at memories that were full of laughter

the night we had, i couldn't look away after,

so close yet i couldn't bring it up to you

i'm still in love when the lights went out

under the moonlight, it felt like a movie

and woke up to find your lips close to mine

in my fatal fantasies we're always together

but the next morning brought desertion in the light

What does this poem means to me?

This poem is about a feeling that i have never experienced before. It's based on a story that was in my mind, which i might or might not share her actually. Sorry but not any sooner. Anyways, if you ask me my favorite line in this poem is "in my fatal fantasies we're always together but the next morning brought desertion in the light" because the line itself brings you out from your delusions, your imaginations about a person that we all cook in our hand because it ain't gonna happen in reality so what's the point? 

What are your thoughts?

I don't think you have never thought about experiencing it all because who doesn't but there's always a big side to our imaginations that is the desertion that will come to you even though you were never really "us" but it's still gonna hurt you as badly as if you were something to each other. what are your thoughts on this poem? let me know. 

Unspoken Affections: Part-IX

The Story Behind the Lines

the long stare with someone can spark something very dangerous and that is the reason why i penned this poem to express that feeling because it can either end up as something as beautiful flowers in a garden or in a field that is on fire. We all have felt this feeling at some point in time so i guess you wouldn't be surprised when i say that i also experienced it and wrote this poem. 

Unspoken Affections: Part-IX

if i could fly in the sky, i will declare my love to the people on ground

if i could talk to the birds, i will ask them to add some melodies in the scene

but you stood across the road, denying something you started

the look from your eyes and its torturing action- my cheeks grew warmer

but something in this moment without you, i feel how far we really are

our places close but hearts still hundred miles far

my desk is the only place i can write about my muse

thinking you're closer to me but its a poem you will never learn of

What does this poem means to me?

To be honest right now, i cannot tell what this poem means to me because there are so many poems that i have wrote on this topic and now it feels like this feeling is just meant to die. Whatever, at least i got to write something as funny as this poem and that is my favorite part about having a crush on someone because it makes me feel things that i have wrote previously about without ever experiencing them. 

My favorite line from this poem has to be "if i could talk to birds, i will ask them to add some melodies in the scene" because its just pretty to think about that in that one beautiful moment, nature will help you out to make it euphonious with its sounds. 

What are your thoughts?

i wanna know your thoughts about this feeling. i'm sure everyone experiences this feeling very differently. let me know in the comments :)